Seriously?©

Seriously?©

So yea… since the last time we spoke, some things have changed:

• I’m not playing Warhammer anymore… I got tired of the imbalances in Tier 4 pVp…
• I AM playing WoW again, and as predicted I’m playing a DK.  It’s great fun so far but Im trying desperately NOT to play any of my alts who cry out to me.  I need to get this guy to level 80 first, THEN I’ll consider leveling the alts (I hope)
• My network situation improved (mainly because I moved to a new place and Im jacked directly into the modem… no more wireless)

What’s been going on with the kids you may be asking… well last month was the Valentine’s Day Daddy/Daughter Dance.  She’s 7, and neither one of us have been to a dance before, so it’s a good learning experience.  My recollection is as follows:

Isn’t she cute?  You’re damn straight she is.  So her and I walk into the dance together, and it’s a bunch of tiny girls (grades k-5) and a bunch of awkward dads tossing the hundreds of balloons around that are found on the floor.  Well this won’t be so bad if all we do is toss balloons around for 2 hours.  I was shocked to learn that there was more…

There was a DJ… her name was DJ Sally or some-such inanity… she was very focused on getting the little girls and the awkward daddys dancing together, so she played a few slow songs to set the mood.  I’m not a great dancer (see above:  “neither one of us have been to a dance”) but the only person I have to impress is my 7 year old daughter… none of the other dads are going to judge me… not that redneck guy over there who has a knife on his belt (in case a fight breaks out?) who I’ll call Bubba… not that tall, lanky guy I’ll call Jim Carrey… and certainly not that menacing 6′4″ black guy I’ll call Sinbad.  We’re all just minding our own business, slow dancing with our daughters in awkward silence.

Then, it happened… Emma decided that she had seen enough “Dancing with the Stars” to attempt some of the Power Moves.  She asks me to spin her around…ok, no problems so far… but then she started the dips.  Dipping a 7 year old girl isn’t really that difficult or strenuous… the first 14 times.  After that, it becomes a feat of strength and determination because she enjoys it, then tells her friends to watch her, then wants to be dipped while her friends are being dipped, and after a while it starts to feel like I’m bench pressing a Volkswagon.  After awhile, the other dads start to finger out who started all this dipping nonsense and all eyes turn to me.  Luckily, DJ SoccerMom changed the pace with a classic from my childhood, Crazy Frog.

How this song got popular is beyond my understanding, but the little girls went crazy for it… which means that we dads had to dance/jump along.  You know who was REALLY into it?  Jim Carey Dad.  Suddenly this guy Comes Alive like Peter Frampton… he’s dancing around like Fire Marshall Bill and just going crazy.  Bubba Dad and Sinbad Dad giggle softly to themselves.

After the Crazy Frog madness, it’s back to more slow dancing, more dips, and the occasional rest break for toxic red Hawaiian Punch (will go great on your 7-yr old’s white party dress).  DJ MILF breaks her best pop party mix out and it’s running through snippets of songs that only the dads are old enough to even recognise (way to be contemporary, DJ Mary Worth).  During one of the snippets, N’Sync – Bye Bye Bye, Bubba Dad suddenly breaks out into the choreographed dance routine that goes along with the song.  WTF?  How surreal is this?  The piece only lasts about 10 seconds, and then he’s back to the stereotype we expect from him.  Very strange indeed.

I’m watching the clock pretty hard because after the first hour I’m exhausted from all this jumping around and whatnot.  A few more slow dances go by and we get to the big surprise… no, it has nothing to do with the little girls at all… apparently DJ Butterworth noticed Bubba Dad rocking the N’Sync and has now produced the full song.  Bubba Dad goes insane with glee as he clears a space on his side of the dancefloor and runs through the dance routine for all of us.  That was pretty damn amazing, but on the opposite side of the dancefloor, squared off against him, is Jim Carey Dad doing the Cabbage Patch.  It was at that moment, right there in the middle of the lunchroom of Ponce De Leon Elementary school that a “You got served” dance off started.  Jim Carrey Dad finished the Cabbage Patch and threw it over to Bubba Dad, Bubba responded with The Sprinkler, Jim Carey gave him the Running Man, Bubba fought back with the Tootsie Roll, Jim Carrey countered with the Hammer Time…. it went on for the entire song.  I was pretty sure that one of them were going to pull out a cardboard box and start windmilling, but it never got to that.  Eventually Jim Carrey conceded to Bubba (so THATS why he carries a knife) and all was well in the realm once again.

After the exhilarating dance off, we switch to the chicken dance.  Apparently a Daddy / Daughter Dance is very similar in music composition to a wedding.. all of your favorites are there because we already done the electric slide and some other slide.. ugh… who can keep track of such things?  So the chicken dance is fairly simple to follow, and we all know the movements … there’s even a dosey-doe part where we get to lock arms with our daughters and skip around a little circle.. its all VERY cute.  Until the part where DJ MAMA-JAMA tells us to switch partners… the intent being to have each daughter choose a new daddy to dosey-doe with… a little awkward cause that means I’m dancing with someone elses daughter…. well that’s not exactly how it turned out.  My daugher wanted to dance with her friend Aspen … can you guess what happened next?

So there I am, dosey-doe’ing with Sinbad Dad… and we’re the only dads sharing a Bromance (I would have put my money on Bubba and Jim sharing a slow dance).  It’s a little awkward, but it turns out that Sinbad Dad is a very gentle dancer and we agreed to never discuss this again (whoops!)

As the end of the evening rolls around, there’s only time for one more formal dance gimmick (no, not the hokey pokey… we did that earlier)… thats right.. the Soul Train Line.  We all lined up and paired off with our daughters as we boggied down the line for the enjoyment of all.  It got goofy real quick and Emma and I decided to hold hands and skip down the line together.  It may be a new dance trend.  Im just saying…

And thus concludes my retelling of the awesome night.  Once again I’ll promise to blog more often,  just so that you can remind me that I’m a dirty liar.  Thanks for sticking it out (lol innuendo) with me and we’ll talk more later.

.paul